The Huggable Curmudgeon

You Tubin' It

2006-06-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

Another of my rural British Columbian escapades, circa spring 2006. Enjoy.

Broadcast yourself

2006-06-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

Friends, foes...

I have taken the step of uploading a couple of my stories onto the internet for your viewing pleasure. They probably won't mean a whole lot to you since they're especially "local", but these are two semi-visually-stimulating stories that I've done over the past 6 months. I shot, wrote, edited, and produced both of them--as a 'VJ'--or for the uninitiated--a 'Video Journalist'.

Just thought it'd be interesting for some of your asses to see why I'm out here living in the almost-boonies...learning to craft television stories, still a rookie, but hopefully with some potential. Picking up a few new things every day--determined to get somewhere with this career.

Enjoy.

Try it, you'll like it.

2006-06-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

2006-06-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

God bless America....'s TV news

Retractions and updated statements

2006-06-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

So this week I recieved my second story critique. The aformentioned Austin, TX television photographer who gave me my first lesson kindly passed on my demo DVD to another photog at his station.

This man is obviously very skilled at what he does, and knows a lot about teaching people what he already knows. He critiqued every one of my 5 stories, picking apart the details, and giving advice on how to tell my stories better. Really amazing ideas on how to improve, and easily digestible, even for a rookie like my ass. The man obviously has a style, and it works for him. Watched some of his work on his station's website (http://www.kvue.com/photojournalists/). These are phenomenal visual storytellers.

Say what you will about American TV news, but many of the people in their industry (both the reporters and the photographers/editors) are brilliantly skilled at focusing your attention on a story and making you really feel something.

Anyway, it was really motivating to have this fella view my work, and to let me know that I have a lot of work to do on my craft, but have some good fundamentals already down pat.

I found this past week of work to be mentally and physically draining. I'd leave the office unfulfilled and feeling like I hadn't accomplished much. Maybe it was just a bad week of news--basically just filling black, not really telling anyone's story. Or maybe I'm wasting time thinking too much about getting the fuck out of dodge.

Anyway, I'm trying to counteract those feelings by continuously searching for job-related inspiration. Today I registered to become a member of the National Press Photographers' Association. It's basically the world's biggest club for photojournalists, both for newspapers and television. They have conferences every year, publish a fantastic monthly magazine which comes with the membership, and have mentoring programs hooking up rookies with seasoned vets. I'm already on it--I'm hoping to spend a day at a station maybe down in the Seattle area with a photographer...see what tricks I can pick up, and get some advice about moving up to a bigger market within the next couple of years.

*Sigh*....But for now, I'll just enjoy their magazine.

2006-06-04T13:14:00.000-07:00

A huge geek, loving a hugely geeky job.

Critiquing the critique.

2006-06-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

So as summer rolls around--I'm now an entire month past my one year anniversary of being gainfully employed in the television news industry. It is indeed a cause for celebration. One year into the biz, and I'm not bored yet...not any jaded than I was before, and still aware that I have a lot more to learn before I'm even half way decent at my job.

If you're keeping score at home, at the end of May of last year, I hurriedly moved my life to small-town Smithers, BC, to work as a remote-correspondent video journalist for a small television station in the ugly mill-city of Terrace. Got my feet wet as a photographer and editor, had my stories run on their horribly low-budget newscasts for about 5 months, and got the hell out of dodge. Lovely place up there, abyssmal television news organization.

I landed safely in a new job at a larger TV station in a larger, but still rather small city in BC's southern interior. I've now been here for about 8 months. I've made mistakes, I've had some successes, I've learned on some new video/editing equipment, worked with some people who are a lot better than me, and I now feel comfortable doing just about whatever needs to be done on the job.

I'm still learning as much as I can, but I'm itchy again. It's time to get moving to a bigger place with more daily news stories. If I have to shoot one more story about community gardening, bears wandering the city, or the fricking Walk for MS, someone is going to die.

At any rate, a couple of resumes are out there as we speak--telling prospective employers that I'm on the hunt for a new gig in the big smoke. This industry, however, is incredibly frustrating when you don't have a ton of friends who are plugged into major markets--friends with references, friends with friends in high places. I'm hoping my demo tape will catch someone's eye--that's really all I can do. That, and just WAIT.

In the meantime, I have taken it upon myself to soak up as much as possible on my own. At my office there is next to ZERO feedback on my work. If my stories sink or swim, I'm the only person who seems to care. This really bothers me. I could come back with crappy video and a whole shit load of nothing--the only thing that matters is that it fills the time slot and doesn't air anything "too fictitious". It's a sausage factory--as I'm certain most TV news programs are--but the quality control and organization just aint there, and that's really why I want to leave.

So...how do I learn when I'm not being told what I could be doing better, you ask? Well, sir,
the only way I can--by asking people with more experience than me to give me the lowdown on what I'm doing.

At www.b-roll.net you will find an international community of television photographers and editors who basically whine, bitch, rant, and rave about everything to do with television news. There's video on there of some of their best work, and blooper reels of some of their worst. There's also a forum where young photographers, editors, and journalists can ask for a critique of their work.

A few weeks ago I put out an 'ad' requesting a critic with a lot more experience than I have. A number of people responded--I mailed out out three of my demo DVD with different types of stories that I've shot on it (spot news, human interest, general assignment, sports, etc.). It's the same DVD that I send out with my resume. I picked three photographers/editors from different parts of the US to send it to.

Yesterday I recieved my first critique from a 10 year-experienced photographer/editor in Austin, TX. And although it's better than nothing, I have to admit...I was pretty disappointed. The critique was basically a page long...consisting mostly of compliments for my work which he thought seemed more mature than my one year of experience with a camera and in an editing suite. He told me the pacing of my stories was a little slow for his liking, which was semi-interesting (but if you watch American TV news, you'll understand that this is a pretty fundamental difference between news in Canada and the US), and told me I could work on capturing emotion a bit better with my closing pictures. These were the only nuggets of interest I could take out of his critique. It was far too short for my liking, and I wish he could have been a lot more specific about things.

But...at least it's got me thinking...and inspired to scrutinize my own stuff more often.

Two more critiques to go...followed up with another DVD every four months for a new critique.

It's all about learning, people.

What else is there to life?

2006-06-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

The mob scene

2006-06-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

The Constantines--reprazentin'

2006-06-04T12:33:00.000-07:00

Sasquatch -Whatta wide shot

2006-05-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

An orgy of indie rock

Lordy lord, I am a very mediocre blogger

2006-05-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hidey ho,

Wow...what a sad display yet again. I was on such a roll--I'd written two work-related ranty posts in two days--with the ambitious promise of more gripping journalism-related non-fiction to follow. Rather pathetically, my ability to post here turned flaccid yet again, as my literary erection flattened out into blog-world apathy.

Back for another round, but promising NOTHING this time. Not that anyone reads this fucking thing to begin with.

As the spring springs along the scorchingly hot weather stains my lily white, pimply skin, and new music tags along for the ride. Living way out yonder in the BC interior means I haven't had the chance to see any decent live music for months--I think it's been over a year since I've been to an indie rock show, actually. Jesus H.Christ--even when I lived in the sticks of Japan I made it into the city to see a good show now and again.

Fear not, fans--next weekend I am scheduled to be absolutely inundated with a veritable cacophony of live music--shit of only the very highest quality--stuff in the buzz band section of any indie rock snob's Ipod. Geez--did you already forget that I'm a recovering music snob? Oh, you didn't? Wow. I almost did.

Next Saturday my sis and I are headed down to central Washington to an outdoor music festival called "Sasquatch". If you're not in the know, it's a 3 day event, been around for a few years--brings in some of the year's new non-Billboard charting favorites along with some more notable headliners. This year on the Saturday the headliner is Ben Harper--not my favorite--along with the Tragically Hip--also not a band I'd typically travel too far across the 49th to see.

The schedule is stacked from there, in my pretentious opinion. The Flaming Lips--possibly the world's most entertaining, stuffed animal suit-wearing live band, The Shins--everyone's favorite indie folksters made eternally famous on the Garden State soundtrack, Stephen Malkmus--Mr.Pavement himself, still pumpin out the wonderfully out-of-tune tunes, Iron and Wine--the folkiest of indie bands, the perfect music for a late spring day in the sun, and Sufjan Stevens--a name popular with the cardigan-toting set who has some gorgeous pop tunes.

So that's 5 names I'm thrilled to see play on the same day--plus at least 3 other less-well-worn bands who I will tell your smarmy ass about right now:

Rogue Wave are a bunch of ugly dudes and a lady from San Fran who play a unique brand of widely-palatable indie rock--taking cues from the Shins and the Beatles. I think most of their songs are written by their front man (last name Rogue)--but the band simply sounds comfortable playing together--melodic and full of vocal hooks--and according to an interview I read, they understand that good bands have members who "know exactly when not to play during a song". If you get that, you'll get Rogue Wave. Key word: Comfortable. Look forward to seeing how that musical comfort translates into an outdoor festival setting.

The Constantines are a pack of indie-lookin' Torontonians who have been around for a while and have heard, over and over again, the inevitable comparisons with none other than Bruce fugging Springsteen. I can't help but concur--it's mostly the singer's raspy howl which harkens me back to my childhood infatuation with 'I'm on Fire', and 'Dancing in the Dark'. Imagine Fugazi backing Springsteen, and you'll get the basic picture. I know it's a shitty way to pigeonhole a band, but work with me here, people. I'm a lame music writer.

Band of Horses are a group of wild black stallions who a number of Washingtonian ranchers have tamed and digitally recorded--the first band ever fronted by a mammal other than a human. Sure there have been recordings of sea creatures--and of course Enya does some killer samples of killer whales, but this shit is da bomb.

Ok, ok, I'm just fucking with you. Band of Horses are a band from Seattle who play epic rock songs with layers of guitar and huge, echoing vocals. Again, as a terrible music critic, I shall rely on a comparison with the Shins vocals mixed with a less country-fied My Morning Jacket. Lovely stuff--can't wait to see them.

So...five Sub Pop bands---all of which are awesome, all playing on the same day. It's like the viagra pill for an indie rock hard-on. Here comes the jizz.

Love ya.

2006-03-27T20:15:00.000-08:00

Kamloops...appearance isn't everything. Right?

Garbage jumbalaya day

2006-03-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

Hola.

So yes...I promised a day-in-the-life-of-a-journo blog for at least a week, and gosh darnit, I will deliver. May it fascinate and enrapture you more than you ever imagined you could be.

Today ended up as a 3 part jumbalaya of journalistic junk. One of the reporters took the day off, so I was handed the videojournalist's role today, instead of playing the photographer/editor that I usually play.

The Stories:

1) I started out the day with an idea for a story about how much garbage is plastered around town, ultimately a souvenir of winter's snowy white demise and spring's revealing brown arrival. Took a bunch of video of some really nasty city hillsides literally covered in filthy shopping bags, cardboard, and the usual fast food restaurant litter.

The story was basically debunked by city engineering who say because there've been no public complaints this year, they have no reason to think 2006 is any worse of a year for road trash than any other. I ended up doing 2 interviews with city staff, and then writing a live-voiceover script for the anchor to read over the pictures--basically about the amount of trash, but with a disclaimer from the city engineer who says no one's bitching about it, therefore it's not a problem. I likely disappointed the big boss, who was expecting a full story out of it, but shiiit, if it ain't a story because no one's complaining, I ain't making it into one.

Amount of black airspace filled: 1 minute 26 seconds

Lesson learned:

Don't tell the boss you have a story all lined up unless you know you have a story in the bag. Otherwise you look like a little shit who can't get the job completely done.

2) With the first story gone slightly awry out of lack of newsworthiness, the boss handed me a story about the local Conservative MP who's been AWOL from the public eye, basically since the federal election. Since the MP is in Ottawa, it wasn't much of a story. Just required getting a simple clip from the Conservative riding president, and then writing and editing it up as another live voiceover bit.

Amount of black airspace filled: 58 seconds

Lesson learned:

Hmmm...that's a toughy. Didn't learn much here...it was pretty fricking straightforward. When I showed up to do the interview, I didn't quite get as dramatic a comment from the fella as I'd hoped (he was quoted in the newspaper as being ticked off at his own party's leader). I guess what I learned from that is to always ask what comment the person actually has for you before you head out to clip them. Not that I wouldn't have been forced to get the vague comment he gave, anyway.

3) My final chore today was to get a local comment on a provincial story. The left-leaning Canadian Center for Policy Alternatives came out with a report saying the province's new-ish policies on welfare in BC are taking away government support from a lot of people who actually deserve and need it. 42% fewer people got welfare last year than in 2004. That's 100,000 fewer people on welfare. The boss asked me to get a clip from a local poverty advocate. Nice lady, gave some pretty pointed comments on what the province needs to do to keep poor people from becoming abyssmally poor.

Amount of black airspace filled: 50 seconds

Lesson learned:

Technically, nothing. Editorially, very little. I guess I just learned that 42% fewer people on welfare in just a couple of years is a pretty big ass stat, and probably deserves some press, if nothing else. So I guess it was good that I was part of that. Otherwise, I learned almost dick all from that task.

Daily total amount of black airspace filled by my pictures and scripts:

Approximately 3 minutes.

Day's summation:

As a whole, today felt more or less like a waste of time in that I had the rare opportunity to report and didn't end up flushing out a full story for the first time in ages.

Fascinating stuff, eh?

2006-03-26T11:48:00.000-08:00

Spring appears in Kamloops, ass-first.

The inevitability of learning...something

2006-03-26T11:14:00.000-08:00

Compatriots.

I know, I know...you've been checking this blog on a twice-daily basis for the past month just in case it was ever updated. And I know, I know, you've missed me ever-so-much. Well, here I be.

Alas, I have very little to say for myself. Life is moving quickly and sluggishly all at once. Days fly so fast I hardly remember what I did. Months crawl by, like a pack of injured tortoises, moving so slowly I want to kick them all in the ass. Seemingly accomplishing next-to-nothing, although I suppose I'm learning something about my craft simply by osmosis. Or, as I like to say as I point to my own hardened-shell of a brain...."Something's going in there".

But hey, hey....spring appears to have arrived in Kamloops. The filth-tinged ice has spontaneously combusted, leaving in its wake a heavy stain of road salt and sidewalk gunk. Highway garbage, buried under months of rotten snow, has been strewn everywhere, like boulders carried on the shoulders of a receding glacier and plunked at random on the flattened landscape. The mud-caked gears on my bike shook off their permafrost this past week, and yesterday it was warm enough to head out for a ride without having to cover my face to shelter my skin from the evil might of frostbite. This is good.

Meh. I've decided I'm going to try to write more on this here blog. Even though there may be three people in the universe who actually care enough to fully digest my run-on-sentence-laced grumblings/ramblings, I guess it is somewhat cathartic to express whatever it is I'm feeling on an almost daily basis. No wonder all of the wankers who update their blogs six times a day with banal, self-indulgent tripe seem to enjoy this shit so much.

So... I've decided for at least a week, I will run a daily blog about what I did and/or learned on the job. Perhaps there will be at least a kernel of interest in it for aspiring journalists and photographers. Or maybe not, but such is life.

So fasten your seatbelts, and prepare to be bored to fucking tears. Or maybe not. Who the fuck knows.

2006-02-08T22:05:00.000-08:00

British Colombia. Ole!

Pattern recognition

2006-02-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

Ahoy there. Indeed, it has been many moons since I have bothered to punch out some roman characters on this here keyboard and "update" this blog. I continue to exist. Oxygen is extracted from the air, which I fill my lungs with. In turn, my heart is able to pump more blood to my brain, allowing for thoughts to be processed and, perhaps, words to be expressed. So here I be. Miss me?

My life has reached a state of "severe normalcy" again. Sometime last fall I evacuated British Columbia's northern reaches for the drier, more populous climes of the southern interior. This was in order to take a job as a journalist at a larger television station than the wee one way up yonder. The desert is a decent place to live, although Smithers was magically delicious in its own little way. I do miss the alpine hikes. Ah, the hikes.

4 months into my new job, and again I am 'waxing introspective'. If it sounds familiar, it is. I've only had 2 full-time jobs in this ever-so-unlucrative industry, but I seem to have found a pattern in my feelings of job satisfaction, and in many ways, self-satisfaction.

Living up north, I recall hitting a point somewhere around the three month mark where I stopped enjoying what I was doing. Not so much the actual "journalism" part of the job, but the "working" aspect of it. Work became a chore that needed to be tended to, a routine that needed to be fulfilled, a hoop that required jumping through. I had to feed the machine what it wanted, even if it was done in haste and without great care or interest. The station was a sausage factory, and the sausage was made out of 90% bullshit.

Instead of being what it could be...work was just THAT---WORK. The well of journalistic inspiration began to dry up, and personal/ethical frustrations regarding the company I worked for began to become my daily focus. I spent more time apathetically complaining about the shit conditions, pathetic salary, and disorganized organization I worked for than I did actually doing what I was there to do--to learn about journalism, to be a part of a community, and to tell stories with interesting pictures and sound.

So, with a bit of the work I'd done up there slapped onto a resume DVD, I managed to land another job and moved my life. I came here with a plan to learn from people who know what they are doing, or at least who knew more than I thought I did. Thankfully, I now work with a number of people whose work I respect, both journalists and photographers/editors.

What now bothers me and breeds 'dread' in me, is that I am 9 times out of 10 assigned stories that I have no interest in. Very often these are "perennial-type" stories, predictable things that would make any consumer of television just fucking GROAN out of sheer boredom. The kind of stories where you watch and ask "Why are they even doing this story?".

REAL ESTATE MARKET BOOMING IN THIS REGION!
-We talk to boring talking heads in suits about how great real estate is.

NEW FEDERAL GOVERNMENT POLICY MAY AFFECT LOCAL HOSPITALS!
-We talk to egomaniac politicians from different levels of government with differing but ultimately innocuous and vague things to say about it.

This kind of shit just drives me batty.

The answer to "why we are doing the story": because many days the boss is too uninspired to look for interesting or *gasp* NEW things to cover: and just ends up finding stuff that can get done within 2 hours and will fill air for a few minutes.

There is a strange, political heirarchy in the newsroom, and communication between the "minions" and the "bosses" is almost discouraged in lieu of a blind acceptance of "who is boss", the one who obviously knows better--or at least it seems that way.

So I see a pattern emerging here. As life resumes normalcy and stops being an almost-traumatic learning experience, I am left high and dry with myself, unwilling to completely accept the basic constraints of this sausage factory industry.

Let's face it, no matter what job I have, there will always be a negative aspect to it. The choice seems to be to find those nuggets of positivity, those moments of learning and personal/career fulfillment, and to focus on them rather than the arduous, mind-numbing shit that I hate doing.

Sadly, I haven't been able to maintain that perspective yet, and don't see it happening too soon.

And like a little cattle prod constantly reminding me of what else I could be doing... there's always this little voice in the back of my head wondering if this is a sign to find another, perhaps better job and move on.

Air continues filling my lungs, and blood keeps on pumping. I sleep, eat, shit, type, and occasionally speak. Tired of complaining. Now back to life. Thanks for reading. Nice to be back on the matrix.

2005-06-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

Bling bling....poppin fresh is ready.

The best Ebay auction of all time

2005-06-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5590601978

2005-06-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

Once again, thank God for people that are cooler than me.

Moshzilla

2005-06-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

Say goodbye to Star Wars kid...a new subject of ridicule has appeared online:

http://www.labusas.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=62756

2005-06-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

Somehow I think Coldplay didn't sanction this ad. What zee fuck?

Good News: I'm less of a pussy than I thought.

2005-06-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

Ever work so hard that a weekend with both days entirely off seems like a restful eternity? I've been at my job for a month, and I can say without a flinch of bullshit pinching out of my fat ass that I've been working like a d-oh-double 'G' dawg. My company is a disorganized mess of a money pit, but I'm enjoying the heck out of myself and my job, and learning what I'm capable of, and not capable of. These are good things.

So yes, this is my first full-fledged weekend 'off' since I arrived up here, and it really feels like I've earned it (even though in reality, it's written into my contract). So instead of spouting off about politics or news-related jabberwocky in my blog, I've decided to delve back into my stalwart hobby; Music.

No matter where my travels have taken me thus far in my rapidly-passing life, music has always been my ever-faithful bitch. It helps me think, reminds me of who I am, puts me in my place, keeps me company, and gets me motivated. It's sexy, smart, and down-to-earth. If I could fuck music, I would. Sometimes I fuck TO music...my girlfriend and I like to have sex to Sigur Ros. Dramatic, space rock sex.

Ok, ok, enough, enough. I shall dig back into the archives of my university years and drag back out that smarmy indie rock critic that still lives deep inside my age-blackened soul. I listen to music just as much as I always did, downloading has assured me of a future of enjoying plenty o' good music, and my trusty internet music critic sites like Pitchfork keep me up to date on what's good and what's shitty shit in the music world.

Now I shall reveal some of Chris's favorite hits from the past few months. Have a listen. Or don't. And fuck you if you don't like what I pick.

HITS:

Caribou: The Milk of Human Kindness

Caribou is a dude from Ontario (who used to call himself 'Manitoba' before a lawsuit changed that name) who basically stitches together what I call a 'musical quilt of electronic shite'. His songs are these massive collages of beats, melodies, noises, hisses, crescendos, and vocals that he's plugged into his laptop and used a cyber-ginsu knife to chop up and form tracks. It all comes together in this mish-mash of very listenable, intelligent sound. Some of his tracks are much better than others, some more introspective, others ass-shakingly funky, but it's all unique as heck and not so far out there that anyone couldn't git down with it. My personal faves are the tracks with the hawwd hip-de-hop beats. Check out 'Lord Leopard'. Sounds like he's channeling DJ Shadow. Love it. The coolest thing about Caribou; Both indie rock asshats and hip hop meatheads can enjoy it equally.

Four Tet: Everything Ecstatic

Four Tet isn't too far fetched from Caribou--the same kinda one man band doing the cereberal laptop electro-funk with big drums and collages of organized noise. Four Tet, however is a lot more calculated and precise with some really tight breaks and dynamics involved. I've been a fan for a couple of years, and he's quite the prolific guy. I love his taste in beats, and this CD is among the best of his shit that I've heard--other CDs have had a 50/50 split between songs I really like and others that I consistently skip. Seems like he's gone for a darker, harder-hitting edge on this one with really rumbling bass and a big focus on the jazzy beats. I'm impressed. Check out 'And Then Patterns'. This is subway soundtrack music at it's best.

Gorillaz: Demon

Yup, those cartoon geekbots are back with their second album. Damon Albarn and his band of merry weird-makers have put together a much more pop-friendly album that, for whatever reason, really hasn't alienated me because the music is very fucking cool. I liked the first album-- Dan the Automator and Del the Funky Homosapien really kicked ass working together, but at least half of the album seemed quite self-indulgent and a bit too tongue-in-cheek for me to git down with. This album is a lot more straightforward, and not quite as hip-hop-friendly as Del ain't on it, but it's still funky as heck. Out of the 15 tracks on there, I'd say 10 are worthy of repeated listens. That's a rarity for pop CDs, if you ask me. Check out 'Dirty Harry' and 'Feel Good, Inc'. This is a CD worth BUYING. *GASP! you say* Yes, I like it that much.

The Evens: The Evens

The Evens are a guitar-drums duo, Ian MacKaye from Fugazi and a female co-vocalist and drummer named Amy Farina. It's sparse, lo-fi indie rock with the usual Fugazi-esque political lyrics, but it's obviously minimal and simple with just the two instruments, and it's pretty upbeat and catchy. If you're a Fugazi fan and dig those tracks where Ian sings in his trademark restrained-raspy style using those chunky powerchords, you'll like this CD. It kind of reminds me of this awesome indie band I liked a few years back called 'Beekeeper'. They were this dissonant beauty of a band from New York and the male-female vocals on the Evens CD aren't too far off from their sound. This ain't a disc I'd go out and pay $20 for, but it's certainly worthy of a listen, and after those last two crappily disappointing Fugazi CDs, I was glad to hear this one do something interesting and un-wanky.

DIRTY PLEASURE OF THE SUMMER:

Coldplay: X and Y

Yeah, yeah, let it out now...yeah yeah yeah, ok. Ok, ok. Shut the fuck up, OK? I know what you're thinking....Chris, you've always liked this 'emotional' shit, but you're far too pretentious to let on that it actually affects you when you listen to it. Ok, so I like some of the Coldplay singles. Ok, MOST of the Coldplay singles. But not ALL of them. They just remind me of when I was like 11 and really loved U2...long before they became these scaly, irrelevant losers who stoop to writing election campaign theme songs exclusively intended as a soundtrack for John Kerry to fuck his ketchup-hocking wife to. I actually think Coldplay are semi-sincere about the music that they make, and even though his Thom Yorke-wannabe falsetto can't sustain me through an entire CD, there are 3 or 4 tracks on here that are well-written, even if they sound like reproductions of the other ones. But I like the songs, alright? I like them. I really like that Speed of Sound single, too. It makes me want to jerk off and cry. When I listen to it, I can't help but think about how much I miss my girlfriend and how far apart we still are. Wank, wank, wank--it's all I can do to cope, after all. So fuck you. Fuck off and die. The delay-pedal effect on the guitar is hugely ripped off from U2, but I choose to ignore that while I masturbate and weep.

Music is a wonderful mistress. I will have sex with her all weekend, with a good cup of coffee and perhaps even a book. Thanks for reading this mess of a musical rant.

See you next time for another edition of Chris's lonely Friday night bitchchez de musique.

2005-05-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

Big mountain forest. Small town politics.

The Power of Love...err.....bad media

2005-05-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

Last time my freckled white ass graced the matrix I promised all y'all a thorough dissertation concerning the power of small town media on the politics of a small town. Well...I will try to keep to my word, but I'll expand the topic to include media in the province of BC as a whole.

So Gordie's back. And we all smelled it, right? We all smelled it because for weeks upon weeks, that's what the people who take the polls told us, that's what the folks who write for papers told us, and that's what our trusted TV and radio broadcasters told us. But exactly how true was what they were telling us?

From day one of the election campaign, virtually every source of media told us the Liberals had a stranglehold on the legislature. We were told Carole James just didn't have the charisma to be a leader. We were told the NDP had sold out and moved too far to the center to be taken seriously. At the same time, we were told the NDP still bent over for big unions too often to be taken seriously.

From day one of the election, we were told that business was booming in our province. We were told that the government had made the cuts that were necessary to be made, and that's why our province was out of the black hole of debt it was in during the last, very regrettable administration. At the same time, we were told....DESPITE REAL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY...that the Liberals were to thank for magically lifting us out of debt, putting us in the black for the first time in decades.

One only needs to go into the recent April and May archives of the Vancouver Sun, Province, Global, CTV, whatever media source you want, to see what kind of blatantly biased shit was thrown out there weeks... even DAYS before the election. Take, for example, a Vancouver Sun section...AN ENTIRE SECTION, PEOPLE....only a week before the election...devoted to how "booming" our province has been for the past year! Uh....H-E-L-L-O, journalists? Could we maybe have held off on this fucking section AT LEAST UNTIL THE ELECTION IS OVER? Jesus H. Fucking Christ. Here's another article that quotes a frighteningly biased article in the Province just prior to the election.

The power of media over the minds of busy prospective voters is blatantly obvious. And it begs the question...would the Liberals have won if the media hadn't been so obviously eager for them to get back in?

A fine, but very small-scale example of this media mind-control is found within the small-town politics of the riding where I live; Bulkley Valley-Stikine. This is the largest riding in British Columbia, geographically--spanning the border with the Yukon, south to Smithers, and east to Burns Lake. HUGE. The population, however, is spread between hundreds of small or even "tiny" towns, villages, native reserves, and still unincorporated spots on highways. There is ONE TOWN in the entire riding over 5,000 people--Smithers, BC. There are very few media sources in this riding...two radio stations, a television station broadcasting from another riding in Terrace, and two weekly newspapers. One of the newspapers, 'The Interior News', is widely considered 'the source' for news in the riding. In fact, the other newspaper, 'The Houston Today', is written and published by the same journalists!

Anyway, enough background. From the half way point of the election, the Interior News published 3 weeks of scathing articles bashing the NDP candidate, a small-town councillor named Doug Donaldson. The topics of the articles ranged from an NDP publication in which his name was spelled incorrectly (give me a fucking break), to an article a week before the election about how "in trouble" the NDP candidate's campaign was (um...do we have any facts here?), to an article proclaiming an 18-year old Green Party candidate as the winner of the election debates (trying to split the left-wing vote here, no doubt?). The voices of NDP supporters resonated through the editorial pages of this rag, critical of such distinctly biased journalism. A big number of these supporters even wrote in to thank the paper for helping them to make a big decision...a decision to cancel their subscriptions!

The result of the election? The Liberal candidate won by a couple thousand votes. The NDP finished a distant second, and admittedly the Green Party girl didn't win enough votes to play the spoiler in the election. Still...it was distinctly obvious about the skewed agenda of this 'important' local newspaper, and the role it played in clinching the vote of undecided voters.

The week after the election, the paper's editor wrote an editorial patting his rag on the back...saying what a great job the paper had done covering the election....and how brave he and his staff had been to write so many NDP-hypercritical articles in the face of so much public dissent. How fucking pathetic.

We live in a country where media is increasingly controlled by a smaller and smaller number of people. And although I'll be called paranoid for saying so, I really believe we have to ask ourselves...how much can we trust what we read, especially when it comes to journalism during election campaigns? Exactly how unbiased is what's being reported during campaigns? And how much do we actually soak in through osmosis. Think carefully, friends...why did you think the Liberals were destined to win the election? Was it because that's what the papers told you? If it was...it's time for a thorough dissection of your own political naivities. Me...I think this election scared me straight.

2005-05-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

There's absolutely nothing here except everything.

From a true northerner. Yeah. Right.

2005-05-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends. Long time no blog. How goes she? Here she goes a wee bit cloudy, and a mite chilly to boot. Not the best of weather for a long weekend, but hey....whadayagunadoo?

So if you're not up to date on the minute details of my ever-enthralling life, I've relocated from the lovely base-point of Vancouver...to a relatively small town in northwestern British Columbia that shall remain nameless (although you'll probably be able to figure it out for yourself if you have just half a brain). I landed my first job on the career path I've chosen for myself, and this is my balls-to-the-wall entry into this not-so-illustrious and badly-paid industry of storytelling and picture-making. Finally got the internet at my apartment this past weekend, and life once again resembles normalcy.

Life up here is slow. Rust-ridden cars and trucks drive 25 when the speed limit is 50 (with the exception of Bigfoot-lookin' trucks driven by local rednecks that always drive 130 with no muffler down side streets). People wander, they don't walk. Horses mosey, they don't gallop. You get the picture. The mountain-river-valley scenery is no less than idyllic, and folks are much more friendly and more generous with their time than in the big smoke. It's boring, yes--there ain't much in the way of culture or multiculturalism, especially when compared to Vancouver. I've yet to make a good friend, and the restaurants here are quite lacking--so it ain't all flowers and candy, dudes. But I'm here, I like what I'm doing at my job, and I'm getting the experience I need to do something cool with the rest of my life.

At any rate, today is a holiday and I feel like grabbing a newspaper (they're always a day old up here) and vegging out with a cup of coffee.

Tomorrow I promise to introduce you to the politics and journalism of a small British Columbian town---corrupted and biased as they are. Stay tuned, kids.

Reason number 1 why I don't eat meat.

2005-05-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

Watch, and learn (and, just a warning: don't eat chicken while watching this):

http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=pilgrims_web&Player=wm&speed=_med

2005-05-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

Puberty cards

Moving: As cathartic as a good laxative

2005-05-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

I am in the midst of moving my entire life for the third time in about five years. It is proving to be, as my friend put it in his own blog, a "cathartic" process.

The first two moves were overseas, where I strapped on a backpack, jumped on an airplane, and went to "work" as a English teacher. These were 3 of the most (and least--thanks to Japanese whiskey) memorable years of my life. If you are fresh out of college and wondering what the fuck to do with a few years while you frustratingly gnaw away at your student loans, I highly recommend throwing all of your shit into your parents' garage, and jumping on the first plane out of here. Figure it all out when you get there, you'll be fine.

Anywhoo... my third move is proving a great deal more nerve-wracking. This is my first full-fledged move within Canada--moving for a job that is supposed to be my 'career', whatever the fuck that entails... So this week is an arduous 7-day process of lugging moldy boxes in and out of my parents' garage, figuring out what needs to be kept, trashed, given away, and sold.

Climbing a flimsy steel ladder and switching on the garage attic light, a rain of mold caked my sinuses with only one deep breath. Not far behind the repugnant smell of human shit and fiercly rotten eggs, the reek of moldy cardboard and clothes is on a top ten list of worst possible odors. I pulled myself up into the low-ceilinged space and hovered around all of my hastily-packed and unlabeled boxes, about 20 in all. Turns out that 8 out of the 20 were filled with my 15-year collection of sports cards. I should have known!

Five and a half years ago, the first time I'd moved to Japan, I'd given this whole stash to my 13 year-old brother. Obviously sports cards are just not as 'cool' as they used to be, and he'd just chucked them all up in the attic after I'd left. At least he did it after I'd taken off...my brother is a compassionate little kid, seriously!

I'm guessing there are somewhere around 20,000 cards in those boxes...probably well over a couple thousand dollars worth of sports memorabilia when I bought them...most of which now aren't even worth the paper they're printed on. 15 years of spending my entire allowance and all of my birthday money buying cardboard likenesses of my disgustingly overpaid football, hockey, baseball, and basketball heroes and anti-heroes. Sadly, much like other childhood hobbies, sportscard collecting ain't much of an investment unless you take care of them--I'm selling my 8 heaping boxes of moldy cards at my garage sale this weekend...for $40 or best offer!

So what else did I find while spelunking through the dimly-lit attic? Suitcases full of large, tacky clothes that I'd never really worn, hockey equipment that I thought I'd thrown away, cool old indie rock vinyl that had been warped by the cold, bootleg tapes of some of my favorite bands in high school, and photos of myself with friends in various stages of my existence---some conjuring up good memories, others bad.

It was like taking a leisurely walk through my puberty-stained high school and college years. I winced at the awkward kid I'd been, remembering how painfully socially inept I was.

And you know what's even worse? I'm not ashamed to admit how little I've actually changed as an individual since I was 13 years old.

Maybe a bit more rational. Maybe?
Perhaps a tad more self-aware. Perhaps?
But not that different as a person. Not at all.

Scary, my friends, fucking scary-- because I've come to the conclusion that the hell-like torment of puberty never really ends:

You pop enough zits and your face clears up.
The orthodontist takes your braces off and your teeth dont look perfect, but they're ok.
Your pubes grow to a certain length, and then they start to turn grey.
You get rejected by enough cute girls and your heart forms a thick, protective layer.

And when you turn 18 or 19, they tell you you're supposed to be an adult, because you kind of resemble one. But inside, puberty keeps on churning. And if you think you're all finished with it, you're just in denial, and well...I kind of feel sorry for you.

Because deep inside, I can earnestly say that I'm still 13 years old.

I just wish I could find my Mario Lemieux rookie card, because then maybe I'd be rich right now.

Or maybe not.

2005-05-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

Hope for another day

Hope (part II)

2005-05-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

Some people say it's impossible to force anything to happen in the path of your life. If you struggle against what's intended for you, you'll end up bitter, angry, and depressed, they say. This is a very fate-based interpretation of 'life', and I can't say that I subscribe to it completely. It just seems all too passive, and I've not been well-known for my passivity.

That being said, this past week has been pretty momentous for me as an adult; I landed my first real job in the career I hope to be doing for the rest of my life.

Although I realize what a hypocrite I appear to be by schizophrenically changing my tune from hopeless curmudgeon boy to Mr.Content-with-his-existence, I have to admit...this simplistic theory of life and fate seems to be growing on me.

I remember a girlfriend I had during university. For the sake of this story, let's call her "Helga"--an excellent Nordic name.

Helga and I dated for about 9 or 10 months. It was all fine and mediocre personally and sexually until the summer came around. That was when she saw that I was still an insecure little boy, and decided to make me redundant. It was at a point in my life when a girlfriend sadly represented a major part of my identity, and I couldn't stand being alone with myself.

Anyway, I digress. I remember asking Helga why she didn't want to be with me anymore. Being the disgustingly selfish person she was, she took the easy way out of the relationship: Instead of telling me she wasn't 'in love' with me and putting our relationship under the guillotine, she left me hanging for a number of months, even though she so obviously wanted nothing to do with me anymore, and I knew it.

But one thing she said when we 'broke up' still sticks with me today. Helga is mentioned only to give context to this story. The memory of our short relationship no longer means very much to me...I use what she said to help me cut through the thickened shite of MY OWN life.

It's something that feels unmentionable because it's very admittedly so fucking cheesy, and being the jaded bastard that I am, you'd be hard-pressed to pry this out of my mouth on any other occasion:

She said, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's meant to be."

Right now, for a whole bunch of reasons, Helga's selfish breakup line is making a lot of sense to me.

But she was still a bitch.

Helga's selfish breakup music of the day: Set Fire to Flames: Sings Reign Rebuilder

2005-04-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

Feel.....the Advantage.

Some people are so cool. Yep, even cooler than me.

2005-04-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

The year was 1996. Two high school friends and I decided to start a tongue-firmly-in-cheek indie rock band where we'd write smarmy original songs, as well as some mockingly favorite cover songs. Being the huge, dateless, pot-smoking geeks that we were (and to a very large extent, still are), we also planned to cover our favorite video game tracks. Plans were set to cover Metroid and Castlevania II, among many others.

Sadly, it never came to fruition. Our band died a very uneventful death, and the nintendo covers were never played for the world to rock out to.

UNTIL NOW.

Nintendo-cover bands are becoming the shtick of choice for a few mega-dorks in the United States, god bless 'em. At least two notable rock bands have done decent work of covering some of my all-time fave tunes, and another ridiculously dorky acappella group has a whole event based on nintendo.

Here's the video of these acappella retards in action:

http://gprime.net/video.php/nintendothemesacappella

The first of the two bands is my favorite, featuring a member of a notable spastic indie rock duo called 'Hella'. They're suitably called 'The Advantage' (yes, after the big ass joystick we all drooled over in elementary school), and you HAVE to check out their cover of the Mega Man theme song. That's fucking talent, right there:

http://www.theadvantageband.com

The other band is called The Minibosses. A damned good name. They're way too punk rock for my liking, but still, mad props to them for a good attempt. The Castlevania 3 theme song is aces. Check it out:

http://minibosses.com/

Thank God for people who are both cooler and nerdier than me. Thank God.

Non-Nintendo theme songs of the day: Denali: Denali

2005-04-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

Breaking the Big Story: The Huggable Curmudgeon

Breaking news about the provincial election

2005-04-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

It's exactly a month until the eagerly anticipated arrival of BC's provincial election. As we all know too well by now, Gordo's lusty Liberals are pitted in the cage match of the century versus Carole James' notorious N.D.P.

It's a political cockfight to the death, ladies and gentlemen--and I'll warn you to hold onto your quickly-dropping jaws, because I have some HUGELY important breaking news for you.

It turns out that cooky Carole James' isn't exactly who she claims to be. Take a look at the above pictorial which I created this afternoon, and you will see evidence to my claim....that CAROLE JAMES and SHIELA COPPS.....ARE THE SAME PERSON.

The election is over! Her cover is blown! Gordie, congrats...

And I've made my career....broadcasters will be cueing up to hire the next politician-zapping journalist extraordinaire.

I'd like to thank God, my parents, my friends....

Fuck all this....I'm voting Green.

But in all seriousness, Charlie Smith wrote a very entertaining article in this week's Straight that does a good job of demystifying the entire election. Have a read:

http://straight.com/content.cfm?id=9545

Green-party endorsed album of the day: Broken Social Scene: You Forgot It In People

2005-04-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

Hold it right there, Paco. You're gonna be my taco.

Making the Patriot Act look like a nursery rhyme: The Arizona Minutemen

2005-04-16T18:57:00.000-07:00

Watched a very good documentary-type piece by David Halton (I think?) on the National last night. It was about a group of militant, bible-thumping Arizonan 'civilians' attempting to stop illegal Mexican migrants from hopping the border and entering the US to work under the table. They call their 1000-member group 'The Minutemen Project', and using electronic tracking equipment, they guard the stretch of hundreds of kilometers of "underpatrolled" desert and brush between Texas and California. What a wacky bunch of cactus-lovin' good ol' boys.

http://www.minutemanproject.com/

For those of you who don't know the whole story (I didn't know details of the enthralling tale until yesterday), President Bush, since being re-elected last November, has been pushing for an immigration plan that would give work visas of up to three years to 'illegal' Mexican migrants. The plan is apparently still in its' infancy and very little is known about it--other than it'll pair up employers with prospective Mexican employees who are willing to work for $5 an hour. But hey...that's gotta be better than the $5 a DAY they make in Mexico, right? So these cheap laborers would be able to move to the States to work for the 3 years, and theoretically, would be shipped back home once their time is up.

According to the CBC, there are more than 10 million illegal, undocumented Mexican migrants in the US at any given time. Holy shit...I think that's a huge number. That's like every single person in Toronto and Montreal being an illegal immigrant. And these minimum wage fellas supposedly ship back a big chunk o' change to their families in Mexico -- up to $17 billion US annually.

The Mexican government, knowing full-well that these migrant laborers contribute to a huge portion of their economy, even go so far to promote their glut of unskilled, cheap labor to the US. Mexican President Vincente Fox has been bitching at G-W for years to get this visa program up and running. I'm pretty sure he's pleased to see it on it's way now.

One scene in the documentary showed Mexican Immigration officers stopping vans full of migrants on their way to spots along the Arizona-Mexico border where they can try to cross into the States illegally. But instead of arresting them and shipping them back to their poverty stricken lives in Mexico's dusty interior, what do they do? They give them a long lecture on how to safely sneak across the border--advising them to carry warm clothes, lots of water, blankets so they can sleep outdoors without freezing to death, etc.

Better safe than sorry--these border running boys and girls might end up drowning in a toxic river if they're not careful:

http://www.sci.sdsu.edu/salton/NewRToxicPathtoUSA.html

Mexican bureaucrats and migrants aren't the only fans of Bush's plan. American corporations are chomping at the bit to find $5 an hour laborers to throw to work in their factories -- leading some critics to charge the visa plan is tantamount to legalizing sweatshop exploitation within the United States. Nevertheless, industries like meatpacking and corporate farming are drooling at the thought of more Mexicans looking for work in the US of A.

Not everyone is so pleased. Enter the Minutemen. Rednecked Americans, much like any other flavor of ignorant, hate-filled people, are typically unwilling to accept any type of large-scale flow of migrants into their communities. No matter that these people are "doing the jobs that Americans don't want to do" (a direct quote from President Bush), they just don't want 'em around. Folks like the Minutemen are convinced these Mexicans are up to no good, and they charge that once the government lets them enter the country legally...well....there's no way in hell they'll ever get them out.

So these Arizonan boys and girls have taken matters into their own vigilante hands. They claim the Immigration Patrol isn't doing enough to keep out the Mexicans along the hundreds of kilometers of rudimentary barbed wire fences separating the two countries (meant originally to keep Mexican and American cows from crossing to ranches on the other side). They just cut a hole in the fence, or even hop it. And like the Taco Bell ad says... make a run for the border.

In a way, I guess can identify with their cynical perspective on Bush's plan for Mexican laborers--it's probably true that it's going to be tough to throw them out after three years. Three years is long enough to establish a feeling of community--a place they probably won't be anxious to leave, and a place they'll probably want their children to grow up.

But at the same time, I think it's disgustingly ironic how some Americans use these Mexicans as a scapegoat for their own problems--but don't ever feel guilty about exploiting them for their cheaply reimbursed hours of work.

You won't see rednecks boycotting Wal Mart or eating organic beef because they don't want to support Mexican laborers in their country.

No way--that would be unpatriotic.

Patriot Act-approved album of the day: Weezer - Make Believe

2005-04-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

That's what I call "hard sex"

The world's second oldest profession -- Porn

2005-04-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

Feeling marginally better about my life today. Marginally with a capital M. After two long years of jumping through hoops to get through journalism school, I am done. Today was our last official day of class, meaning I may never have to see those super-competitive, condescending, know-it-all fuckers again for the rest of my life.... if I can help it. Onto bigger and better things. Well, maybe not...but at least onto things where I will actually get paid to work. It's been so damned long since I've had a full-time salaried job, I've actually forgotten what it's like NOT to worry about money.

At any rate...time again to drown my full-time anxieties with my favorite time-consuming, but life affirming hobby---pornography. This time with an educational archaeology lesson attached to it.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/germany/article/0,2763,1451509,00.html

Wow. 7,200 years old. Now that's what I call 'classic' porn.

Porn soundtrack of the day: The Reindeer Section: Y'all Get Scared Now, Y'Hear?

2005-04-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

Experience Hope

Hope

2005-04-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

I've been hunkering down in my bedroom, mostly steeped in an inconsolable mope since before last Christmas. It's been a long while since I've felt positive about my life.

In the few lucid and truly introspective moments of the past 4 or 5 months, I've managed to do some thinking about finding hope again. I'm admittedly still quite perplexed.

So what is 'hope'?

n.
1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.

3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.

4. often Hope: Christianity. The theological virtue defined as the desire and search
for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.

5. Archaic. Trust; confidence.

Hmmmm...velly intelesting. So having hope ultimately depends on one of two things:

1) An ultimate determination of fulfillment in your life found through a victory or achievement

or

2) God's help in finding personal fulfillment through a virtuous 'search for good'

Aha. So either you find God, or you are determinedly ambitious, at least in terms of some kind of goal.

Well, I have a goal. I wanted to be a journalist. I had hope. I did, I swear! You'd hardly know it if you met me now. I speak of my career in journalism as if it were an impossibility--which is exactly what it feels like. Hopelessness undermines your confidence. It's an utterly soul-sucking state. It destroys the 'here' and 'now', because living seems almost pointless -- in that if my 'ultimate goal' (or my 'hope') appears unreachable, I'm not able to see myself ever being 'fulfilled' or happy. It's debilitating and very depressing.

Numbness sets in. Days are wasted. Only basic instincts are met. Time is spent in flux, constantly imagining the worst case scenario becoming a reality. The friends and girlfriend aren't able to console me. I don't even want to be consoled. It feels like I don't deserve it, nor do they deserve to endure my childish mope.

Come to think of it, neither do you, the reader, deserve to be forced to read this pathetic excuse for a self-hating rant.

Emo-Koa

2005-04-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

A very entertaining video by MC Lars. Mad props to DJ Clinto for spotting this one:

http://media.nettwerk.com/mov/MCLars_SigningEmo.mov

2005-04-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

The Intern Experience

Close, but no cigar.

2005-04-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

“Intern”. The word brings to mind a certain big-boned American girl, a presidential desk and some expensive cigars. But in reality, being an intern doesn’t much resemble what Monica Lewinsky’s experience taught us during that long, painful year on CNN.

I’ve put in a little over 3 months over the past year as an intern at local TV and radio news broadcasters, trying, and so far, failing to get my foot firmly in the door of the journalism industry. I’ve worked with some nice folks, and some condescending S.O.B.s, but in truth it’s been more of the former.

Some weeks have been better than others--better in that I've had more to do. I enjoy TRULY being busy, and being an intern means spending a lot of time PRETENDING to be busy because no one's given you anything to do. Yes, it could be said that I should be a lot more self-motivated, but as the token unpaid dude in the back corner, it's hard to convince people your ideas are important, too.

If you’ve never interned anywhere before, you are (usually) not paid a salary, and are given relatively simple tasks that should be easy for anyone semi-experienced in the business to get done. That, OR, the stuff that the other folks really don’t want to do. For example, this week I’ve been sent out a number of times to collect interviews for senior journalists. They hand me a list of questions, ask me to make a couple of confirmation phone calls, and send me on my way. It’s monkey work, but hey, it gets me out of the office. Other times, you’re asked to “find” a phone number for a random person. An example: Someone is murdered in Vancouver and police catch and release the name of a suspect. The intern is asked to call the suspect’s family and set up an interview with them. This is handed down to the intern firstly because it’s time consuming to find this kind of phone number (often you just have to cold-call every ‘M.Brown’ in the phone book and ask them if they have a murderous family member,) and also because it’s such a terrible phone call to have to make. The senior journalists will try to find a way not to do it themselves, and I can’t say that I blame them.

So yes, climbing my way up the corporate media totem pole has so far been a frustrating endeavor. It’s very easy to be invisible in a busy newsroom, particularly for a shy fellow like me.
It’s not that I’ve appeared especially lazy or incompetent, or at least I don’t think so. I may have even made a decent impression for a couple of things I’ve done. But after 3 months of unpaid full-time labor, I’ve started to become somewhat complacent with my place in the newsroom—meaning I’ve become rather apathetic about the limited job possibilities that I see remaining for me in the journalism industry. My foot is still nowhere near the door...it's closer to my ass.

I think the problem is that right from the get-go I had very unrealistic expectations about what an intern journalist’s role actually is at a broadcaster. And I guess the other mistake I’ve made is I’ve been much too meek, just trying to stay out of people’s way as much as possible.

I have one more month on my journalism internship...one more month to make an impression on someone semi-important before I graduate and slip into the soul-sucking black hole of gainful unemployment. Let’s see what I can do with it.

2005-04-03T17:29:00.000-07:00

Getting jiggy with Pope-Diddy. R.I.P.

A tearful goodbye to the man with the world's best hat.

2005-04-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

The Pope is dead. The guy travelled around the world, survived an assassination attempt, and lived inside a bulletproof bubble atop the notorious Popemobile for most of his life. He deserves a few props for that. Mad props to you, Pope. Adios.

I can quite vividly remember back in the good ol' days as a carefree 7-year-old, my Dad (who's Jewish!) took me to BC Place to see the Popester during his only visit to our fair city. The VPD had blocked off almost the entirety of downtown to make good and sure the white-hatted pontiff wouldn't be targeted while in BC. I recall pushing my way across the Burrard Street bridge with my Dad in a crowd of thousands of other curious, local monkeys, and seeing the Pope, perched high in the glass bubble of his pimped-out truck, mechanically waving to all of his local peeps like a halo-capped, Catholic robot. I don't remember very much about the Pope's mass inside the stadium, but that day is definitely a childhood memory that's stayed with me, for whatever reason.

I'm not a Catholic, and my family are staunch Protestants from the Queen's grassy atoll, so I can't actually attest to knowing much about the Pope's place in Catholicism. But I do know that a lot of people looked up to the guy, and according to the media (who've covered this thing up the ass for the past couple of months, mostly because they'd be accused of being heathens if they hadn't, I reckon) he did some good things for the world.

Catholicism's always just seemed kind of convoluted to me. More than anything else, I guess I never understood why folks should have to relay a message of confession or prayer to God through holier-than-thou messenger Priests, instead of just sitting down in a quiet room and talking to God on your own. I mean, do you really think God gives a shit who's confessing a sin, as long as it's sincere? And I bet God's the kind of guy that likes to cut through the shit and get to the good stuff. Seems kind of archaic, doesn't it? But I digress, as I always do....

Back to the Pope. So I wanted to take a closer look at the dude, to look back at what stuff he did for the planet in the past 26 years. According to the Roman Catholic Church, there are 1.1 Billion Catholics in the world, and although I'm skeptical about how pious many of these 'believers' are, that's allotta people.

http://newswww.bbc.net.uk/1/hi/world/4243727.stm

I found this piece in the Economist today, which I think does a pretty decent job of making the Pope look good and bad all at once--something I think the media, at least here in Canada, isn't bothering to do--maybe out of fear of Canadian Catholic wrath!:

http://www.economist.com/agenda/displayStory.cfm?story_id=3622703

So what did the Pope do for the world? Let's look at the Pope's top three hits and top three misses, shall we?

The Pontiff's pootytang (positive contributions):

1. Pope JP travelled a whole lot. For god's sake, the man managed to make it up to Fort Simpson, NWT at one point in order to make a statement on how badly the world's aboriginal people have been fucked over in world history. And the fact that he was from Poland, the first non-Italian in 456 years to wear the funky Pope hat, meant that one of his biggest accomplishments was to bring together the world's Catholics. In so doing, he's said to have contributed to bringing down Communism in Europe. Good on ya, P-Johnny. Better dead than red--or was it the other way around?

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/pope/communism/

2. Pope JP was very active in 'feeding the hungry' in the undeveloped world. The Pope also pleaded for harmony between ethnic groups, minorities, and different faiths. For being the leader of a religion with an illustrious history of brutal crusades, attempting to wipe out entire races in the name of Catholicism--this was kind of progressive, wasn't it? Good on ya again, JP.

3. Pope JP, when marking the new millennium at the Vatican, confessed to a whole bunch of stuff--one of the only times the church has apologized for ANYTHING:

-the failings of the Roman Catholic church in its’ treatment of Jews during the holocaust
-for having “humiliated and marginalized” women
-and for “having contempt for cultures and religious traditions” of minorities

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/675361.stm

John Paul's boo-boos (negative contributions):

1. In my un-humble opinion, the most horrible thing the Pope has left behind from his 26 years atop the Popemobile was his undying rejection of condoms as a counter to AIDS. Now that's just fucking ridiculous. Pope, dude, what were you thinking? Most Catholics live in undeveloped countries where AIDS is becoming an epidemic! Duh! Telling the world it's un-Christian to use condoms is my number one nasty remnant of John Paul II.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4405967.stm

2. The Pope may have apologized to women, but he did some shitty things to them. Catholics are famous for their fatalist perspective on just about everything. A good example; Telling women it's un-Christian to use birth control because they should accept however many children God wants them to have.

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c
=Article&amp;amp;cid=1112483410723&call_pageid=968256290204&col=968350116795

3. JP was also a big advocate of keeping women out of the priesthood, meaning female Catholics are still second-class citizens within the church. How misogynist of you, JP. So yeah, overall, I'd say the Pope didn't do very many good things to improve the historically shitty situation of women--especially in developing countries where women are already vulnerable and abused.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4573265

So the world mourns the Pope today, and tomorrow...probably 3 more days until I can feign watching the news with any interest. Is he worth mourning? Sure. He made some progressive steps in the world. Should we remember to point out some of the things he did which made life shitty for future generations? Yep. Conservatism doesn't generally make too many positive contributions to society, and the Pope wasn't exactly the revolutionary saint that the media is making him out to be.

Goodbye, Popester. Best of luck in the afterlife. And thanks for the BC Place memories. It's been a slice.

Pope-hat-clad music of the day: Caribou: The Milk of Human Kindness

Korean Englishgate...the plot thickens...maybe?

2005-04-01T14:53:00.000-08:00

So....day two of my weird, random look at the scandals surrounding Canadian English teachers in Korea.

Turns out, a couple weeks ago, after the aforementioned documentary slandering English teachers had aired, two Canadians were arrested for their participation in a Seoul bar fight.

The dudes, 26 year old Scott Thompson (no, not the Kids in the Hall dude), and 38 year old Jason Beaton, Cape Bretoner buddies, both from the Nova Scotia town of Port Hawkesbury (population 5000), were apparently out at a Seoul drinking spot on the night of March 11th, when a fight broke out between them and a group of Korean men.

Depending on who you trust, CBC Nova Scotia, or the Korean news agency who broke the story, the two east coasters either started the fight, or were attacked by the Koreans and fought in self defense.

http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/2005/03/22/canuck-koreanjail0322.html

http://blog.marmot.cc/archives/2005/03/18/unqualified-english-teacher-busted-for-assault/

According to a dude who claims to be a friend and an eyewitness at the fight, they were attacked and fought to escape.

http://www.efl-law.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=430&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Anyway, one of the dudes, rumored to be an ex-OHL hockey player with a whole lotta penalty minutes, ended up breaking a Korean man's jaw, and the two found themselves in a Seoul prison cell, awaiting trial. it's April 1st, 3 weeks later and still nothing's been mentioned about them getting out.

So I guess this could, too, be a big crock. If these two fellas were just drunken monkeys out at 4am who decided to assault a Korean guy, hey...tough luck, fellas. Hope you like rice and fish and speak a little Korean, you gonna be there a while. No hockey sticks for you.

Or if the eyewitness account is factual, that these two acted in self-defense after yanking a jacket from under a Korean tough guy's ass...then hey, shitty deal, guys, but this isn't an international incident. You broke a jaw, maybe you broke the law.

But what if...and humor me here a little....what if this was actually provoked by anti-foreigner sentiment? What if the family's claim is true...that they were the ones assaulted and acted completely in self-defense?

I'll leave it up to you to decide whether or not this has anything to do with the ridiculousness of Korean Englishgate, 2005!

Anyway, thanks for another fun newsy news rant.

Newsy music of the day: Out Hud: Let Us Never Speak of It Again

2005-04-01T00:22:00.000-08:00

Korean Englishgate! Oooh what a scandal!

Canadian English Teachers....losers? Um, and the news here is....?

2005-03-31T21:39:00.000-08:00

Found this delightfully scatterbrained article in the Asian Pacific Post newspaper today, and even though most of it seems like a huge crock of shit (especially the part about Canadians being in physical danger in Korea...yeah right), I felt like sharing it, seeing as though I'm an English teacher myself:

http://www.asianpacificpost.com/news/article/353.html

So...apparently English teachers in Korea have been 'outed' by a Korean media expose... or perhaps that should be in plural form--exposes (is that a word?). Anyway, the exposes are in the form of:

1) An SBS (a Seoul TV Network) two-part television documentary that depicts foreign English teachers as "dropouts, losers, pedophiles", etc. The doc is apparently an undercover operation, following the 'foreign deviants' to nightclubs where they proceeded to discuss the gory details of their sexual encounters with Korean women, as well as admitting all of their failings as English teachers. According to the above article, it basically paints a picture of English teachers as uneducated, illegal workers who come to Korea to get laid and bilk innocent, naive families of their hard-earned money.

As you may or may not know, it is legally required that you have a B.A. to land a teaching gig and attain a work visa on the Korean peninsula. But rumor has it a big chunk of foreigners teaching English in Korea have little more than a high school diploma. Many of them are reported to have travelled down to sweaty ol' Bangkok--to the infamous tourist mecca of Khao San Road. That is where one, for the affordable sum of $30-$50 US can purchase a realistic looking university diploma--from any country thinkable. And thanks to modern computer printers--it will have your name on it. I have seen it with my own two eyes, people. Some of the degrees look like shite. One such shite document, which gave me a good laugh, was stamped "The University of British Colombia". But other degrees...well, they could have fooled me. And if it could fool me, it could likely dupe a non-fluent Korean.

http://blog.louisminson.com/archives/000079.html

There are roundabout 25,000 foreign dudes and dudettes who live in Korea at any given time, and most of them are there to teach English. But the icing on the cake for me is that for whatever reason, roughly HALF of them are Canadian! (this according to an acquaintance who runs a Korean English teacher recruiting agency). Isn't this juicy? Canadians are dropouts, losers, and pedophiles. I love it.

2) A number of small articles in Korean newspapers outed an "offensive" website called "English Spectrum.com". This was a site set up by a bunch of goofy foreigners (not sure if they're Canadian but it doesn't seem implausible), initially intended to give basic information about how to get jobs in Korea. According to the media, it later disintegrated into being little more than a forum for English teachers to discuss exactly how to bed Korean women. I decided to peruse the site on my own---unfortunately the powers that be in Korea have managed to shut it down, probably right after the media shit hit the fan and the locals started calling for heads to roll in the English teaching industry. This is all that remains of it:

http://www.englishspectrum.com

Being the sneaky, journalist wannabe that I am, I managed to find some of the offending articles still floating around online. I found it all semi-racist and quite tasteless, but nothing to mass-extradite a throng of horny white English teachers for (you'll have to read around the Korean text):

http://bbs3.hani.co.kr/board/ns_hantoma200404/Contents.asp?STable=ns_hantoma200404&RNo=19152&Search=&Text=&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;GoToPage=1&Idx=23152&Sorting=1

So basically...the outcome of this is that a large number of Koreans, (because let's face it, Koreans are probably not the only race immune to mainstream media brainwashing,) are starting to look at foreigners with a higher level of scrutiny, and if you believe the American Embassy in Seoul, it's actually incited anti-foreigner sentiment to new levels.

http://www.asktheconsul.org/2005jan21.html

Case in point --a new Korean website set up to allow nationals to air their grievances against the scandal sparked by English Spectrum.com--say hello to Anti-English Spectrum.com:

http://cafe.naver.com/englishspectrum.cafe

According to some Korean-literate foreign dude on his ESL blog, these Anti-English Spectrum boys are doing the ol' legal tango with the offending website owners, calling for tighter immigration restrictions on English teachers, and planning campaigns to deport unqualified English teachers. They're reported to have lined up thousands of signatures on their petition. It's the Korean equivalent of a witch hunt! Yee haw!

I've never been to Korea, and don't claim to know a heck of a lot about their culture, apart from what the history books have taught me about the country being repeatedly invaded over the past century or so, first by China, then Japan, and finally by the American military. That's gotta do some damage to the collective psyche, don't you think? And from what I've heard, a lot of Koreans don't think too highly of the Japanese (stemming from some pretty believable claims of war atrocities committed by the Japanese military). Nor do they speak very highly of the American military which has occupied and CONTINUES to occupy a good portion of Korea ever since the 1950s. Nor are they on good terms with North Korea and their wacky, tacky Nuke-smokin' dictator Kim Jong Il. And I do know that there's been some pretty determined anti-American activists in Korea since an incident a couple of years ago near an army base. It left a couple of Korean teenage girls dead--run over by an American military vehicle. Pissed some local folks off, molotov coctails were made and thrown, and perhaps rightly so as the guilty Americans walked away virtually scot-free.

http://mbhs.bergtraum.k12.ny.us/cybereng/nyt/earmound.htm

So, yes, it could be said that Koreans have the right to be more than a little peeved off at certain nationalities. But I think this whole English teacher scandal really shows the country has plummeted to a new xenophobic low.

I mean.. making national news out of an English website that brags how easy it is for white dudes to meet and have consensual sex with Korean chicks? It begs the theoretical question...if a Korean dude came to Canada and designed a site on how to bag Canadian girls, would we start campaigning Joe Volpe (Cdn. Immigration Minister), or Monsieur Paul Martin to round up all them there Koreans and throw 'em on the next Hyundai out of here? I highly doubt it. Some rednecks might throw a little hissy fit in Alberta, but they'd be laughed at by any credible media source (although Can West would have a field day!). What does this say about Korean men? And can Korean women not decide for themselves who they want to fuck?

And a two-part mainstream television documentary on how shitty, perverted, and under-qualified English teachers are? Jesus, is that really necessary? How long has the English industry been going on in Korea? Like 20 years? And you're just figuring this out now? Fucking eh, I could have told you that. I would have charged you a fucking mint, too.

In my opinion, the entire EFL industry (by this I mean English teaching in almost every non-western country, save for the Middle East where most countries have prohibition laws anyway!) is DESIGNED to facilitate and promote alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, job dissatisfaction, sexual perversion, and whatever other personal vices you can think of.

For those of you who've never been an English teacher in a foreign country, imagine working in an industry that is 99% fueled by image. An industry where the thinner, whiter, and blonder you are, the more you're prospectively worth to an employer. Nevermind your qualifications, you are an English monkey--now dance. How does that make you feel? Special? If it does, you've got your head up your ass and should be shot. You are a nameless white face, doing a job with no other expectations then to show up, look white, smile, chat, and get 'students' to keep coming back. Not to mention the culture shock involved with living in a country where you don't speak or read one word of the language when you show up. Might you not turn to your old pal alkeehol, or mary jane, or CONSENSUAL sexual debauchery (there was no reference to rape in any of these reports)? Don't know about you, but I'm human, too.

It's an industry with almost zero national or international standards. For most jobs, you don't even need teaching experience or any kind of certification what-so-ever! Generally, (but not always) your job is to entertain a bunch of students who, because many Asian cultures tend to idealize caucasians, want to spend a pretty penny just to hang out with foreigners under the guise of learning English. A pretty penny can mean anywhere from $100 US per month for one hour a week with a big group of other students, to $500 a month for one hour a week in a private lesson. Don't know about you, but I ain't down with throwing out that much money to chat with some Korean dude who's never even bothered to learn how to teach.

Another aspect of the EFL industry is the abysmal job conditions that SOME (not all) companies offer foreign teachers. This is reportedly very pervasive in Korean schools. There are web pages upon web pages of horror stories where English teachers relive traumatizing experiences with Korean hogwans (private English institutes), where their wages are kept from them, or they are fired because students "don't like him". English is first and foremost a business in Korea and many other countries, and if your students don't come back--guess who's to blame?

http://www.eslcafe.com/jobinfo/asia/sefer.cgi?Korea

http://www.englishschoolwatch.org/contract.shtml

The thing you should also realize --something that I think is unique to Korea, is that if you are fired from a teaching job -- YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY, and pay for your own flight--sometimes not receiving your final paycheck, and depending on the situation, you may have to reimburse your school for your pre-paid flight over there in the first place. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, boy! And no finding another job with that same visa--that's illegal! It's all about 'get the fuck out of here'. So the number of teachers who've at one point had to flee Korea because of some tyrannical hogwan owner who was dissatisfied with how many students they were pulling in is reported to be quite huge. And this is compounded by the fact that Korean immigration is reported to work closely with English schools in making sure fired teachers do, in fact, leave the country.

Does this sound like a job industry or a country that demands employee loyalty and respect? Who's to blame here?

http://clubweb.interbaun.com/fenske/machine.htm#contract

But the thing that really gets me is how these Korean anti-foreigner activists blame the westerners for not being qualified to teach. Who are we blaming here? The foreigners, often Canadian university students, right out of school and deep in student debt, who are offered $2500 CDN/month jobs, with free airfare and rent-free apartments, where all they'll have to do is chat in English for 25 hours per week with Korean adults, or play with Korean kids? Is it reasonable to blame them for taking these gigs, even though many of them knowingly have no qualifications and no teaching experience? Or should you blame the hogwan owners -- Korean businesspeople who very knowingly HIRE unqualified, undereducated foreigners, and pass them off to Korean parents and students as legitimate teachers?

I'd go with the latter there, folks.

http://www.eslcafe.com/jobs/korea/

Yes, it is true that the English teaching industry tends to attract a small number of people, because of their own social ineptitudes, decide to drop out of Canadian society and work overseas. The number of whacked out foreigners I met while I was teaching in Japan and Thailand was, well.... shocking. Losers galore. People who's lone goal in life is to get drunk and have as much sex as possible. Sex addicts, drug addicts, Asiaophiles, I definitely met some pedophiles too...guys who would work in Japan, scrounge and save their yen, and then spend 6 months in South East Asia having sex with $20 a night, young, Thai prostitutes and taking cheap drugs. They do exist. I know this. There are also some very bad teachers, and yup, some people might even have a forged degree or two. People are not to be trusted, whereever we come from. But all you truly wanted was a white face! You never asked them to actually be able to teach!

I still find this Korean media scandal shit just completely mindboggling. Yes it is certainly possible to find scummy white dudes in Korea--and they found 'em. But calling for English teachers to be thrown out of the country on mass-- and campaigning to push white people out of the country under threat of personal violence...wow. Very sad. I thought better of you, Korea. Prove me wrong!

Thanks for the rant, folks.

Angry, ranty music of the day: Envy: A Dead Sinking Story

2005-03-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

This is what sick looks like.

Feels like.....burning.

2005-03-30T08:40:00.000-08:00

Yes, it feels like burning. My throat, that is. Unbeknownst to my ever-expanding blog fanbase, I have been mighty ill for the last 3 days. And by 'ill' I mean 'physically unwell', as opposed to the Beastie Boys' bastardized definition of the word.

I am the guy who went over three years without even picking up a cold. And let's not forget that during those three years I was working with children on a daily basis, having to allow them to wipe their putrid, little snot-dripping noses all over me. In your face, you wretched urchins. You made me sick in so many ways, but never, ever physically. HA!

Well, I've now had a bullshit version of the flu twice since Christmas. This is all very new to me. I remember when I was a kid and actually looked forward to (or even faked) being sick so I could stay home and watch 'Who's the Boss' reruns and get all horny off Alyssa Milano's blossoming physique.

Well those days are over, friends. Who's the Boss has been replaced in rerun syndication by 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Nash Bridges'. For fuck's sake, who wants to watch a geriatric Don Johnson in an action-comedy? Daytime television has lost its' luster and I am left bored and alone with my burning throat and aching spine.

I sure do miss being a kid and being sick.

Music to be sick and adult by: M.Ward: Transistor Radio

2005-03-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

chris

Blog. B...log.

2005-03-29T22:45:00.000-08:00

Blog. A 'b' and a 'log'. Whoever came up with the name for this whole, 'apparently burgeoning' phenomenon should be shot or euthanized. Preferably in the reverse order to avoid a repeat of this whole Terry Shiavo fiasco. I mean, come on...everyone knows that 'B' is far and away THE worst-sounding letter in the English alphabet. Bruce, Bill, Brent, Bjorn, Blake, Biggie Smalls? I mean, come on...these are ridiculously horrendous names. One needs only to think of the millions of children born into torment, simply because their idiot parents neglected to recognize the awful nature of all words and names beginning with the letter B.

And 'log'?? Come on now, people. Need I say more?

So, yeaaah...this is my 'blog'. The name's Chris, and I am a self-described 'huggable curmudgeon'. Actually, the huggable part was thought up by a friend earlier this evening, and I'm not too sure about it, but I suppose it could be construed as being aesthetically pleasing.

And it is true, perhaps, this h-word may attract more of a female blog-fanbase than curmudgeon would on all it's own, and that's never a bad thing.

This blog will be an outlet for all of my self-deprecating, disgustingly sarcastic frustrations about this world of ours. A world run by simple-minded simps. A world where mediocrity of all kinds is more often than not-- actually rewarded. A world that frustrates the hell outta me (mainly because of the giant, congenitally-placed chip on my shoulder about everything). And for the benefit of some of my friends, (and perhaps also for you, random dude or dudette out there in blogsville,) I've hereby decided to cyber-scribe my ultra-frustrated ramblings on a regular basis.

Happy trails. Nice blogging with you. Fucking b-words. Can't we just call it a web-log? Fuck that 'log' word...What the hell is wrong with a 'web-journal'? What the hell was wrong with that?

Pretentious and brooding music of the day: The Shipping News: Flies the Fields